The ALT Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

It’s just the beginning of the new year, did you Mixsters think your gift giving was over? How wrong you are my friends, how wrong you are! While buying your favorite hangover concoctions at your local drug or grocery store, I’m sure you’ve noticed that all the holiday items have been replaced by bright red and pink Valentine’s Day cards and balloons. Ahh, l’amour commercialism style! Try as you might, you really cannot avoid it.

Whatever your relationship status, you’re more than likely going to celebrate this cheesy, mix-bag-of-emotions holiday in some way, shape, or form. For those of you in search of gifts for that special lover, crush, BFF, fuck buddy, or hell – even yourself- I present to you, a few gifting ideas to help get yourself ready for Cupid’s special day!

Includes Gift Ideas For:
Couples
Fuck Buddies
Singles
Friends + Family

All gift ideas and more strange pictures after the jump!

Perfect Gifts for Happy Couples
Alright, my single ass will try not to be cynical here. I’m just jelly I can’t do all of the fun cute, couple-y stuff that normal/monogamous people get to do! But don’t be lame and get the ol’ predictable dozen roses and stuffed bear holding a red heart (unless of course the bear says “Shit Bitch You is Fine” – see above). Try these sites where I guarantee that the gifts will out live the kitschy novelty of Valentine’s Day.

BoldLoft
www.boldloft.com
The ultimate online shop for all things couple-y! His and her shirts, pillow cases, mugs, you name it! And it’s not super Hallmark cheesy. It’s just a little “her” quirkiness to “his” camp.

Shana Logic
www.shanalogic.com
An indie shop based on gifting to the ones you love. Shana Logic carries both items that will show how smitten you are with one another, or you can shop based on your lover’s interests. Punk, Geek, Foodie or Cutie. After all, it’s important that you realize you are still individuals within the relationship!

Tom Tom Jewelry
www.tomtomjewelry.com
Forget Ben Bridge and all those other jewelers who tell you every kiss begins with… you know, whatever. Go a little more unique! Tom Tom offers tribal and futuristic jewelery, and I can tell you it certainly is not made with Forever 21-esque materials! And if you are super trendy, Tom Tom even has a really good Tron line…

Appropriate Gifts for Fuck Buddies
You’re “friends with benefits”/fuck buddies – you should be comfortable enough to appreciate kinky gifts, that is, of course, if you decide to give gifts to each other. What are you going to do, hand them a gift card? Don’t be awkward. Normal V-day gifts such as flowers and cards might send the wrong signals, so let’s make it fun shall we? But uh, if you did want to take it further… you might want to stick with the regular Vday gifts. Those are fail-safe.

For Her: A Pair of Shoes
Every girl loves a good pair of shoes, why not give her a hot pair of hooker-heels or a tall pair of fuck-me-boots? Look for pairs that are either fun to take-off or keep on, pin-up style! Sneak a peak at her shoe size the next time she is over, or bluntly ask, it doesn’t matter. Close your eyes, and picture what you’d love to see her in, in your wildest fantasies, and go  but also make sure she can use them outside the bedroom too! It’s not fun having straight-up stripper shoes, it makes us feel cheap…

Try: Elizabeth & James for girly Lolita mixed with edgy heels and booties. Trust me, booties are hot when paired with a mini skirt… Or nothing at all!

Rock & Republic to fulfill all your dominatrix and voyeuristic dreams. Fuck-me-boots at their very best!

For Him: TheMixster.com Fuckjams Vol. 1 collection
So last week we posted an incredibly salacious list of our favorite FUCKJAMS: sexy-ass tracks to get your bow-chika-wow-wow on to! Download all those tracks for free, slap them on a blank disc, and voila: Baby girl, you are ballin’ on a budget and delivering in style. Fuck jams are forever baby, so make your man-of-the-moment a mixtape of those get-down grooves to enjoy while you keep him around, and later when he’s spinning those jams with his new hunny down the line – let’s just say, when he hears those sounds again, you’ll always be on his mind.
Download them all HERE

For Both: Romp-Around Gift Basket!
You can make it fun by hitting up your local Planned Parenthood (where they give you everything for free), along with something cheesy like two-buck Chuck and a sex coupon book. OR you can go ultra sexy: Fill a basket with goodies like blindfolds, lingerie, handcuffs, and KY. If it slides, beeps, or buzzes, it’s bound to do the job.

Try: Kiki De Montparnasse
www.kikidm.com
Known for their beautiful and sultry lingerie lines, Kiki De Montparnasse also carries adult toys and accessories to make all your fantasies come true. Think a classier and more tasteful Hustler (yes this is entirely possible). You can put together your own kit, or buy one of their pre-made ones.

Sir Richards Condoms
www.sirrichards.com
It’s time to get serious, you commitment free people! You probably have more than one partner, so why not give the gift of safety – the hipster way? Not only are Sir Richards condoms packaged in plaid, they are also vegan and they benefit humanity. They are the Tom Shoes of condoms! Buy one of their hip boxes of condoms, and Sir Richards sends one over to a developing country. Safe sex is universal.

NeuroGASM
Sometimes, when there’s a flurry of mixed signals being bounced around, it’s hard to send the right message. But if the message that you’re trying to send is of the more risqué variety simply hand your next victim partner a bottle of next level H20 love potion: NeuroGASM – an ever-so-lightly bubbly, functional bevvy that promises to deliver feel-good vibes and increase blood flow to all the regions where it matters most during those big mOHHHments. And with the name in it of itself, printed big and wide across the bottle, and that googly look in your eyes, your intentions are very clear when delivered into the right hands.

Cat Ladies and Lonely Hearts Club Members!
You repel your chosen sex like no other, but hey, let’s not mope around about it this Valentine’s Day! Whether you know a Lonely Boy or are a Cat Lady yourself, you should smile and just poke fun at yourself a little. Embrace being single! And when you’re done doing that, you can go back to eating a quart of ice-cream while re-watching “500 Days of Summer” (curse you Summer!)

For Her: Kitty Wigs
www.kittywigs.com
Have a cat? Have a million cats?!?! And I bet they all have personalities of their own! And that’s why you love them and why they’re your cuddle buddies this special V-day! Celebrate in style with your feline pals – these wigs come in four sassy styles.

For Him: Fleshlights or Sex in a Can
www.fleshlight.com
I think the name alone gives you a clue to what these are! It’s a flashlight taken to a whole new level! Fleshlights also have a line called Sex in a Can, and I kid you not, they describe it as crafted from “masturbrewers”. How can you NOT gift this to yourself or another Lonely Boy??

Celebrate Your Staples: Friends and Familia
Last, but certainly not least, are your friends and family. Valentine’s Day is supposed to be about the people you love, and sure there’s more of an emphasis on romance, but who is to say that you can’t celebrate the love for your friends and family? I know you already spent money on them during those religious holidays – so stick to showing gratitude with something homemade. I suggest making friendship bracelets – those never go out of style. No time or not creative enough? Give out cute Valentines just like you did in grade school. A bit of nostalgia is always warmly welcomed.

Try: Etsy has all the cutest Valentine’s Day cards, from handmade to vintage. Lucky for you I’m including the direct link to ALL things Valentine’s Day on Etsy.com:

Fred Flare also has an entire section dedicated towards Valentine’s Day, but what I’m looking at are their retro-inspired cards for only $8. Come on, you can spoon with your friends too! Ask politely with a card ^_~

Frieda and Nellie are all about their friendship and friendship bracelets. If you have the dough, splurge on your BFF and get them one of these fancy friendship bracelets.

Jocelyn Duke LoveSick Series: Want to show even more affection for your bestie? After all, only they will accept you for the vulgar, drunken hot mess that you are! And nothing is more perfect than the gift of whimsical art, and in particular, we are fully loving Jocelyn Duke’s LoveSick series. Jocelyn wows us again with her playful acrylic paintings that depict our thoughts and feelings one experiences during the course of a romantic date. But date or no date, we guarantee you’ll actually want these stellar pieces hanging around your pad, rather than that freeloader you met at the bar. Proper words like “Fuckr,” “Penis,” and “Pussy” are repeated several times over in vibrant colors splashed on canvas. Feeling prudish? No worries, Jocelyn’s got you covered with “Laugh” and “Smile“. But come on, who wouldn’t want to have “.S G U R D” (Drugs) hanging on their wall?!

By: Eileen